Get the water
Get the water – holy water.
Get the relic – a saintly bone.
Set them out on marble table.
Douse the light. Pull the drapes.
Look at them. Well, are they glowing?
Find a cripple, any cripple.
Sprinkle him with holy water.
Rub him over with saintly bone.
Watch him closely and then listen:
Has his moaning lessened? Has it?
So, pat said cripple on his back
And send him on his crippled way.
See, it is the thought that matters,
Not the special bone and water.
Wipe your hand, though. Must be careful.